Bottom of the Pile - May 21st, 2014

All-New X-Factor
Danger's right!  Don't do it, little black girl!  You'll have some life-ending injury happen to you within a year!  Run!  RUN!!!!!!!


 
Amazing Spider-Man
It says something about superheroes that, of all the questions that Captain America could've asked...why are you wearing pants is considered one of the most important that came to mind.  "Oh, Doc Ock took over your body?  Cool.  But uhhh...why the pants tho?"

Amazing X-Men
....Of all the jovial comics that had Iceman making ice for those superhero parties they'd realistically never have time for because things are always trying to kill them, I never REALLY thought about the fact that the ice....is him until I read this comic.  So...yeah.  Ewwwwww.

Avengers World
Occasionally, all I want from a superhero is a nice, bad-ass boast.  Hyperion gave me the dosage I was looking for this week.

Batman Eternal

And here's where Batman Eternal goes off the rails, a little bit.  Possibly.  Professor Pyg is one of the creepiest villains Batman's ever had--any cop that would let him go because "Gotham City P.D. doesn't work with capes" doesn't deserve to be followed.  If the police force doesn't start working against him after this, it'll be hard to swallow.

Daredevil

Everyone else is bugging out over the Saga reference on the same page as this, but me?  I can't get the idea of a supervillain resume out of my head.  How does that go?  "Worked for the Kingpin for five years.  Blew up Tony Stark's house.  Aided in the distraction of the Avengers while partners escaped with two million dollars from a local bank.  Nearly infiltrated the Baxter Building, getting further than 70% of competitors before being forcefully ejected.  References: Wi---- Fi--.  555-5555."


Forever Evil 7
....I....I....where....do I start.

1.) I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WE WERE DONE WITH CRISES.  NO MORE CRISES YOU SAID.  YOU EVEN RETCONNED THE ONES WE HAD.
2.) This crossover seemingly took forever to end.  While Marvel's cycling through at least two a year, DC's struggling to bring out a seven issue series inside of seven actual months.
3.) NO SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE WE DOING CRISIS AGAIN?!  NO, I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S THE THIRTIETH ANNIVERSARY.  YOU JUST DID ONE SIX YEARS AGO.
4.) I'm complaining but Darkseid versus Anti-Monitor is a genius idea.  I'm not sure why no one thought of it before now.
5.) AND YET, I'M STILL VERY ANGRY.  EXCITED, BUT ANGRY.  I'M GOING TO GO LIE DOWN NOW AND FIGURE MY EMOTIONS OUT.

*exhales deeply*  Eeeh.  Feel like Film Crit Hulk with all that needless yelling.  Well, now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's move on.

Green Lantern: New Guardians

The GL continuity is a mess right now.  They wrecked the mythology in less than a year.  But still, this issue of New Guardians is pretty slick.  Really simple idea, one-shot story in the vein of the 70's-90's stories that had the basics of a good message behind it as well.  I'm impressed.

Hulk
 And as we come to the close of Mark Waid's Hulk run, Waid hits on the reason why I can never really care about the character: Banner, in every conceivable way, is a far more interesting character than Hulk can ever be.  (Incidentally, on his "best" day, Hulk combined aspects of Banner, himself, and "Mr. Fixit" and was actually pretty terrifying.)  But nobody cares about that--they just want to focus on "RARRRGH HULK SMASH".   It was ultimately the reason Peter David left the character back in the 90's, and while Waid's not leaving for that reason, I suspect Banner's ingenius "I make cool shit for SHIELD in an attempt to get back to my old life as a scientist, then occasionally trounce shit as the Hulk too" idea is going to be dissolved once the guy leaves.  Shame.

Justice League
 So...is Geoff Johns' new secret plan to slowly turn some of DC's most well-known villains into anti-heroes?   First Sinestro.  Now Captain Cold and Lex Luthor. And more importantly, why is it working so well?!   

Original Sin
I can't decide if "The Watcher's Eye" being semi-sentient is good superhero goofy, or bad superhero goofy.  The base concept of Original Sin itself works, but I'm honestly not sure how to feel about that. 

New 52 - Future's End
....Celebrity...death pool?   Please tell me this isn't inspired by anything from real life.  Also, this issue mentions the Teen Titans being pretty well obliterated at some point during the five year skip, so apparently we're right back to where we started pre-New 52 with the Titans being "we'll kill these guys for emotional impact" group again. 

Transformers: Windblade
It's nice to see that, regardless of continuity, some things don't ever really change.  Waspinator is still the sad comic relief butt monkey he was during the Beast Wars-era.

Ultimate FF

It hadn't occurred to me until just now how alike Dr. Doom and Namor are.  Rulers of fictional countries, both very arrogant and over confident about who they are...   Really just shades of the same person, if I'm being completely honest.

Author's Note: Bottom of the Pile is a weekly column (or at least, my attempt at said) in which I cover the comics that found their way to the bottom of my pile, thus being the best as I've always been a proponent of "saving the best for last".   Since bog standard reviews can be found literally anywhere, coverage can range from mini-reviews to funny comments to commentary on a creator's run or comics as a whole, depending on a wide range of factors including the comic itself, the amount of time I have, and my general mood.


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