Trump Heist? Please don't screw this up...

I don't talk about it very often, but one of my favorite movies is Ocean's Eleven. (Ocean's Twelve and Ocean's Thirteen I've never really seen and never will unless poked.) For those who haven't seen it, its a surprisingly entertaining heist film starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andy Garcia, and Julia Roberts.

I have a way of describing every detail of a movie when I summarize, so I'll try to keep this one alarmingly simple. George Clooney plays Danny Ocean, a brilliant con-artist/thief who rips off his ex-wife Tess Ocean's (Julia Roberts) boyfriend, Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia). He recruits the movie's remaining important characters (all specialists in the craft of ripping people off) including his long-time friend Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) to help him rob Benedict's casino, and in the process wins his girlfriend back.

What is it Dane Cook said? Yeah yeah, I know the entire internet hates him but he was right about this: Every guy wants to pull a heist. "Where's the van?!?! The van was supposed to be here!!!"

He must've been right 'cause the film was a huge success that spawned the aforementioned Ocean's 12 and 13.


Anyhow, there's always that one bit in a "simply decent" movie/television series that propels it up into excellent status for me. For Ocean's 11, its the fact that there's always a part in a movie like this where the characters are almost caught, and only barely get away--possibly even losing a man in the process.

Sure enough, during the course of this film, that part comes along, and I'm on the edge of my seat, biting my nails. And then, like I'm watching a Muh Night movie (watch Scrubs), the twist comes: Its just a recording. The protagonists escaped ages ago with the money, and the antagonist has just been watching a feed of their practice run.

That was so smooth I couldn't believe it. See, THAT'S how the pros are supposed to do it.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, as it turns out, Ocean's 11 is being remade. (Again, as the 2001 movie itself was a remake of the Rat Pack version of the 60's.) This time, it will be an "urban" version that, if all goes well, features a number of black comedy's top actors.

The movie, which has been confirmed, but its casting has not, is rumored to carry marquee names like Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, and Chris Tucker, will be called Trump Heist, a film about a group of employees who work at Trump Tower and conspire to rip the place off.

Now--if the film can get the aforementioned actors, I'm sure of two things: One, it will sell like hotcakes. Dave Chappelle is the poster child for anti-establishment so if they get him you can expect all those types to show up to support him. Plus Eddie Murphy and Chris Tucker can still get people into the theatres too. Two, it will be hilarious. As long as they give Dave and Chris enough lines, this movie will be one of the funniest things to come out in years. (I should also suggest Jamie Foxx. Hey, if the aggin can act in Miami Vice and Stealth? He can be in this. So can Kevin Hart. I KNOW that aggin ain't doing nothing. He was in Soul Plane!)

However, I'm a little concerned about the movie as it is thus far. In Ocean's Eleven, all the members of the group were professionals. That wasn't the first heist they'd done, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

These guys sound like a bunch of bell-hops and janitors. To a person like me, who's a huge fan of the Sentai series Boukenger and Shinkenger, where the heroes are already pros, that's not very appealing. (Yes, I tied Shinkenger into a post about heist movies. MASTER OF CHANGING THE SUBJECT.) Plus, at the same time...you would think somebody would've thought about how this can be perceived by more sensitive members of the black community.

During Ocean's Eleven, the story was set up so that you rooted for the guys that were basically criminals. My memory of the movie is fuzzy, but I don't think Garcia's character had clean hands in the first place.

Here, you've got the protagonists ripping off a bunch of tenants of a building, and unless they're all drug people, that means they'll be stealing from a bunch of ritzy muckety-mucks.

Translation: What you're making is a movie where a gang of niggers steal from "honest" (mostly) white business people.

Am I the only person who senses a problem coming with this film? With public perception if nothing else. We're already viewed by the more fair-skinned race of America as a bunch of thieves to begin with. (Which is the king of all ironies...considering they're the ones who stole this country *and* our ancestors.) Do we really need to go this route?

Still, I am nothing if not optimistic and hopeful. Who knows? This could turn out to be a "Hangover".

I do have some advice though:

1.) Please don't have any of the "eleven" be ACTUAL janitors or bell-hops. In fact, you're best off, if the characters are employees there, that that be just a front for scoping the place out.

2.) The rumor is that the "lead" villain will be either Denzel or Sam Jackson. Great choices. Both of them have proven themselves well capable of playing the villain role, and it keeps people from crying racism (and giving me a headache, like I do everytime someone brings up "racism" these days..have I said stupid people make my head hurt?) when you've got a whole bunch of aggins sticking up white people.

3.) No guns. Ocean's Eleven crew had no guns, these guys shouldn't either. They need to be seen as just as competent.

4.) Be certain you've got the Brett Ratner that did Rush Hour 1&2, not Rush Hour 3.


Oh well. More as more info comes out. I just hope we get a geniunely funny heist movie, on the level of Snatch.

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