Bottom of the Pile - May 28th, 2014

All-New Invaders

Wait wait wait.  Captain America is immune to radiation?!   So, the guy who should've pulled Rick James away from the gamma testing site should've been Steve.  Could've saved us billions in property damage.

 

Aquaman

The thing that bugs me the most about the New 52 is when we run into things like this.  What on Earth is the point of having a history of 5-6 years when in that time, apparently no one ever met anyone else.   If every first meeting is actually a first meeting, couldn't you have started from origin stories? 

Also: That whole "Superman set Swamp Thing on fire" seems like a spot that should appear on Superdickery, if it actually exists on-panel.

Avengers

Don't do it, Hyperion!  The Authority tried traveling into the gutter and got exploded!  Wrong universe technically, but I'm pretty sure "the white" is how all the comic universes are connected.

Batman Eternal

Called it last week.   The theme of this week's issue is that there are at least a few cops in Gotham who aren't utterly incompetent.

Guardians of the Galaxy

 I don't do this often but...you lie.   Only Carol appearance is this page right here.  

Inhuman

The wonderful folks at Bleeding Cool (which you should read, as I do articles there now) claim that Marvel is attempting to turn the Inhumans into the new X-Men, because of the lack of the X-Men movie rights.   It sounds farfetched, until you see a panel like this: Another redhead with way too much power talking about joining "her people" together.   Granted, the latter part isn't so much Jean as it is Scott, so maybe this is a Jean/Scott fusion.  Which, again...kind of proves the point.

Iron Man

Comic fans always want to keep the ideas that break the toys (deaths, families) and never the really cool ones that allow the stories to keep going.  We've had countless stories with The Mandarin--but he's not the star of the show.  Iron Man is.  I'd love to see Iron Man forced to go up against the Mandarin Ten for a few years, but I know this is going to get chucked as soon as Kieron Gillen leaves the book in a couple months.  *sighs*

Mighty Avengers

 Matt Fraction's run on FF was many things--drug trippy for one, a little too touchy-feely for another, but mostly it was just really awesome.  And one of the curve balls that was thrown near the end was the idea that the Watcher had a lover, and they were going to have a child together.  I'm glad the writer of Mighty Avengers took that loose thread, and the fact that The Blue Marvel has, in-universe, known The Watcher for like 40 years, and made a decent story out of it for an Original Sin tie-in. 

 Ms. Marvel

I think this wins the award for cutest scene of the week in a superhero book. She looks so proud of herself. Unfortunately, before it's all said and done you will have been shot (or at the least, shot at), many many more times than this.  Part of the job description.

New 52: Future's End

 Okay.  Ollie's dead.  Ronnie Raymond's a jerk.  Mr. Terrific is, for some reason, a conniving jerk.  And Tim Drake's doing his best Ted Danson impression.  All of those I can take.  But dammit, you change Amethyst back right now!  I liked her the way she was as the princess of Gemworld.  Why bring her back if you're just going to make her into another gruff jerk, just with boobs and better hair?  

Nightwing

Ugh, there's so much wrong with this issue.  For one...why the hell did you have to wreck the entire Batcave?  It's not Bruce's book that's ending!  :P  For another, can we stop driving wedges between the Bat-Family?  It's been done.  It was done in the 90's, and while DC seems to really want another crack at that era (but not the good parts), it was just recently done again in Death of the Family.   Bruce just asked the guy to go on a mission, why's Dick acting like he's asking him to go kill a bunch of people?   For that matter, why's Bruce demanding no one know he's alive?  Who needs to know aside from Tim, Barbara and Alfred?   I thought we were done with asshole Bruce.  >_<   

The Flash

Wait...what?  That's exactly the opposite of how The Flash's powers work.  Barry powers the Speed Force by running, when he runs he keeps the timestream in tact because the speed force is movement and time itself.   First Green Lantern, now Flash--you know guys, Geoff just fixed these toys.  Why are we breaking them again?

Transformers - Robots in Disguise

United Steaks of America is the restaurant Sam the Eagle started after The Muppets Show ended.  It serves 51 different kinds of steak, and they all taste like freedom.  But how the Decepticons have heard of it all the way on Cybertron I'll never know.  But then, I guess the taste of freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

Author's Note: Bottom of the Pile is a weekly column (or at least, my attempt at said) in which I cover the comics that found their way to the bottom of my pile, thus being the best as I've always been a proponent of "saving the best for last".   Since bog standard reviews can be found literally anywhere, coverage can range from mini-reviews to funny comments to commentary on a creator's run or comics as a whole, depending on a wide range of factors including the comic itself, the amount of time I have, and my general mood.