Bottom of the Pile - May 14th, 2014

This is disgustingly late, but here goes.

All-New Ultimates

I'd like to say this sets a record, what with this being the second issue and all, but I'm quite positive someone joined and quit in the same issue so that's not even true.  That said, it would be a record if she rejoined in #3.

(Also.  "Stay pretty, chumps?"  What does that even mean?)

All-New X-Men

Now here's a decent reason to quit a team.  And why no one ever wants to join the X-Men.  This book's been going on 27 issues sure, but in-universe it can't have even been six months, and already this guy's got his throat slit.  Can the X-Men's benefit package even cover that?   But this does go back to the whole, "If you're an X-Man, horrible things are going to happen to you" deal I said a few weeks back.

Avengers

Abort, abort!  This did not go well for the last guy, Tony.

Batman Eternal

A few things worth discussing from this image, and from Batman Eternal #6 in general.  To begin: ....So Batman just carries batarangs made of fucking Nth Metal?!   I can't imagine he needs it that often, so wtf.  Secondly, I love that Batman just acknowledges that certain things are unexplainable by human science as it stands currently but lets it have zero effect on how he does business.

Third?  So uhhh....Jim Corrigan.  That guy used to be a random cop who was murdered and came back as the Spectre.  Now he appears to be a slightly more benevolent Constantine.   If so...why bring the other guy from Vertigo to begin with?!   I dunno DC, you confuse me sometimes.

Iron Man

So, if Kieron Gillen's Iron Man has provided us with nothing else, it has given us "that time Iron Man absolutely fucking steamrolled over a shit ton of dark elf hunters."  Worth the price of admission by itself.

Adam Strange

Bringing back Adam Strange, while allowing him to keep his "jet pack" and his "ray gun", nets DC a bye on so many things.  Also, did anyone else feel like this issue was doing a riff on the Appellaxians, the reason the Justice League originally formed?  I did, and I approve if that's actually what it was.

New Avengers

 

There's a second horrible truth that T'Challa learns in the pages of New Avengers: all the former kings of Wakanda were dicks.  Seriously, that they can't tell the difference between not helping someone because you're helping others--and actively murdering someone is what makes them monsters.  

I am filled with so many questions because of this Secret Avengers issue.  First off, if they fuck up this often--why keep making them?  There's no way putting a gigantic airship carrier in the sky costs less than 20 billion dollars, even if you're mass producing them.  Second, why is Daisy Johnson taking over SHIELD?   She's basically just Maria Hill with a cuter haircut.  Third--I thought the only Iron Patriot suit belonged to Rhodey?  (And that got trashed.)  Fourth: Main Marvel Universe black Fury is stupid.  Period.  I don't mind that Fury had a kid.   I don't mind that he's black. I do mind that you bent over backwards to make him into Ultimate Fury.  He started out with two eyes and his name isn't even Nick Fury!  WTF.   Fifth, how many Jocastas are there?  She was just in Avengers A.I. saving the world.  There's more but I think that's enough.  This is why Marvel normally ignores it's continuity.

 Superman/Wonder Woman

 Because her writer doesn't approve of your relationship with Diana, Clark.  That's why.  You're stuck that way until he either leaves or you two break up.  Hopefully the former happens first, as I'm rather liking this book.

Transformers: More than Meets the Eye

This is going to sound weird, but I was against adding female Autobots/Decepticons to the Transformers Universe.  Nothing against women in general, it's just that I never thought the Cybertronians had genders to begin with, and I thought it was fun to play with that.  I always thought Arcee was crazy not because she was a woman, but because she'd been experimented on to the point that it introduced the concept of gender to her mind and it didn't gel with her existence as a Cybertronian up to that point.  I thought that was fascinating like I think most things that deal with how we express our thoughts about alien races are.  

Still.  If they're going to write Nautica like this I can't not love her.  This issue and the last has gone a long way toward endearing me to her and Chromia.  (Windblade's a little nuts, but she's exactly not the first Cybertronian qualifying for that either.)

Also yes, Mags. vs. Megs is totally a better headline.

Author's Note: Bottom of the Pile is a weekly column (or at least, my attempt at said) in which I cover the comics that found their way to the bottom of my pile, thus being the best as I've always been a proponent of "saving the best for last".   Since bog standard reviews can be found literally anywhere, coverage can range from mini-reviews to funny comments to commentary on a creator's run or comics as a whole, depending on a wide range of factors including the comic itself, the amount of time I have, and my general mood.