Sage Spoils The Plot: Kamen Rider Decade

Starting a new section today, entitled Sage Spoils The Plot. I pondered over this name for quite a while, but as I thought about it, I realized calling it commentary or blogging or whatever is just bullshit. What you're REALLY doing is spoiling the plot and adding your own brand of shitty humor. So, why not be honest? Plus, Sage Spoils The Plot has kind of a ring to it.

For the first section we're doing the new Kamen Rider series of 2009, Kamen Rider Decade. Kamen Rider checks a lot of "totally fucking awesome" boxes for me. A lot of people might call it, "Japanese Power Rangers" (which is untrue from the start since that already exists) due to the suits and the fight scenes. I accept this. That said, its proof that anything done right can be cool--so when you get rid of the over-acting, toss in a good plot (exceptionally good plots actually), add in some well done characterization, and tone down the stupid-level of the fight scenes and make them look less like they're aimed at six year olds and more like they belong in a high-budget action film, I like to think you get Kamen Rider. And you still get to keep the shiny suits and weapons. Its a win-win! (For me, anyways.)

Anyway. As it should be apparent from the name, Kamen Rider Decade is the 10th anniversary of the New Generation Rider series. (For the record, that's a bit of common terminology. There's the "Old Gen" Riders, which are all the series made when Shotaro Ishinomori, the series creator, was making up all the series--it goes from 1971's Kamen Rider to 1988's Kamen Rider Black RX. The "New Gen" Riders are the ones created after the series creator's death, with the exception of the initial series, 1999's Kamen Rider Kuuga, and it brings us to present day.) As a sort of tenth year anniversary, Decade has the potential to be the most awesome series yet.

Essentially, there are nine (other) Kamen Riders on nine worlds, and those nine are starting to merge together with the tenth world, which will eventually destroy them all. Decade's job is to save all ten worlds by traveling to each world and destroying the other nine Riders. (I know, it doesn't make sense. There's clearly a lot more to this.) The awesome part is that with THIS premise, we'll get to revisit the other nine Riders as he travels to the other worlds to meet/fight them.

Anyway, enough bullshit, let's get on with the spoiling!

So, this series starts out with a young girl standing in the middle of nowhere in a fucked up, tattered dress that looks like it came from a homeless person's rummage sale.


She stays on screen just long enough for your brain to finally ask the question "what the hell is going on" when bang! zoom! crash!---an explosion hits and we're introduced to what I can only describe as...The War of the Kamen Riders.



I'm still trying to figure out which Riders went to the Super Sentai universe and jacked the giant fucking robots, but hey, whatever. I have to admit...they pulled NO FUCKING PUNCHES on this. Toku is usually about making the low-budget special effects seem as cool as possible. ...With that in mind, they clearly blew a CRAPLOAD of money on this opening scene. When they mentioned that all the previous nine Kamen Riders would be around, I was expecting JUST those Riders, in their suits, and that's it. (This is about all we got for the 25th anniversary Gaoranger versus Super Sentai movie, after all.) But, that ain't what happens.

We get the dragons from Ryuki...

Kamen Rider Agito and Kamen Rider G3 on their bikes...(What's ironic here? Is that while these other guys are so much flashier, with their big-ass robots and fire-shooting dragons and so on? These two are the strongest fucking Riders in existence. Trust me. In fact, its impossible to BE stronger than Agito. More on that later though.)

We get a number of flying Riders from God knows where...though I do spot Kamen Rider Blade and Kamen Rider Garren in their Jack Forms. (Blade's in the first picture, closest to the forefront, Garren's in the second picture, in the far left hand corner.)
And, more aerial Riders, along with a better picture of Blade and Garren...


And while we're in the air, we're introduced to Castle Drago, with Ryuki riding on its head and Kiva on the little house structure behind him. Now. WHY, exactly, Ryuki's riding on Kiva's castle--when he has his OWN fucking dragon (see above), I don't know. But Ryuki was always a bitch, so maybe that's the only explanation necessary.



We even get to see the black sheep of the New Gen Kamen Rider, Hibiki, on top of his giant robot, Kaleidoscope Prime. (I have no idea what its really called but...wow, really? That passes for a enemy of evil and a fearsome ally to a Hero of Justice in your universe, Hibiki? Really? O-kay, if you say so.)


And, then a full regimen of the Riders who actually rode their bikes instead of them just appearing for the purpose of selling the toy... (The one in red is Kuuga, the one behind him is Faiz. The second picture is of Den-O...an unluckier bastard you'll NEVER find...)








Okay, when I said they went all out, I wasn't kidding...the next bit even has a Rider who only appeared in the movies of a previous series, and never in the actual television show itself! From the left, Kamen Rider Caucausus, Kamen Rider Chalice, and then the guy in gold and black is Kamen Rider Zabee.





And again, more proof that they're banking on Kamen Rider Decade to make them lots of money because they're clearly willing to spend a crapload... here's Kamen Rider Zolda and his Contract Monster, Magnugiga (its a minotaur outfitted with more weapons than Marvel Comic's War Machine armor), as well as Den-O's Den-Liner.




Like I said...they worked overtime to evoke just how insanely powerful and just how many tricks the New Gen Riders have built up over the years. ....Trouble is (and what I've been leaving out this entire time), the end result is this:


Kamen Rider Graveyard!!!!! Oh noes! And in the midst of all this mess? Indeed, at the center, hovering like a Kamen Rider Je...okay, not so much as he looks too evil for that...like the Ultimate Kamen Rider Slayer, is a new Rider. And yeah, you guessed it, he's our new Rider: Decade.




Its at this point the opening song starts. This speaks again to just how much money they were willing to spend on this series, as they went and hired lead singer of Malice Mizer and well-known Japanese metrosexual crossdresser, Gackt, to do the opening. Nothing against the guy, but they would've been better off sticking with their normal group, Rider Chips, a rock band that formed *specifically* because of their affinity for Kamen Rider, and have done a number of openings and endings for him. I guess it kind of fits, as its a very somber song, and as Decade's fate seems to be to destroy nine heroes in order to save everything, I don't see him being a very cheerful fellow. (...On that note, as an aside, there better be a good explanation for this. The opening has Decade taking down some guys that...well...he can't. He just isn't that good, at least so far as I know.) Still, Rider Chips has managed to do somber before, and still keep the energy I feel is necessary for a Tokusatsu/Kamen Rider series.

Anyway, no more bitching about the opening, as its over. We come back to the Kamen Rider Graveyard, and the focus is back on the girl. If you haven't figured it out, it was all a dream, and now we're back in a normal kind of world with said girl being suddenly accosted by a group of angry patrons complaining about badly taken pictures. Apparently, this is a common occurence.



After dumping the photos, the girl storms out to find the idiot that took the pictures. As she searches, we get a bit of narration explaining our Rider. Kadoya Tsukasa, who appeared out of nowhere one day (reminding me of Agito), and has been with the girl and her grandfather at their photo shop ever since, saying that he only wants to take photos. While searching, they start to bring home the fact that something isn't right in this world, with the girl hearing a familiar sound to Kamen Rider veterans...the sound of the arrival of mirror monsters from Kamen Rider Ryuki. I can't post sounds, obviously, but I do have this:



Ryuki himself. His is the only series they could've snuck in like this, as most of Kamen Rider Ryuki takes place in a mirror world, but fuck...I wish they'd used Zolda or Knight or someone who won more than ten fights in the entire damn series. :P Well, whatever. Onward!

We find our Rider out in a garden area taking pictures of...well, apparently anything and everything, just before he gets cornered by another group of angry patrons. Apparently this guy loves taking pictures, which would be great except he sucks at it. (That pesky talent thing.) Anyway, our Rider here:



Here we learn something. Our Rider is already familiar with fighting, as two of the people attempt to attack him and are utterly unsuccessful.




And, speaking of weirdness, we're given another hint that shit's about to go down when Tsukasa takes a look through his camera and sees Kamen Rider Kiva, Kurenai Wataru.




This hint, is of course, slightly more obvious. But before our hero can contemplate on this rather ominous portent (read: 100% GUARANTEED PREDICTION), the girl from before pops up, and she's not exactly...happy:



You know...you'd expect something like this to make a guy's guts fall out his ass or something (thank you Dave Chappelle) , but as its called the Laughter Pressure Point, apparently not. After moving on from this scene, we learn a few more ominous things about our main character. Apparently, that the fact that he sucks at taking pictures may not entirely be his fault, as apparently they somehow just end up like this. In his own words: "I just want to take photos. But the world doesn't want me to capture it. It becomes twisted by itself. The city, the light...even the people...run away from me. This isn't my world either."

...Normally I'd take something like that as a metaphor. But in a show like this...it should probably be taken as literally as possible. And, if at this point, you thought "Hey...y'know shit should REALLY be happening at this point", well...you were right. Allow me to show you a before and after.



...Yeeep. If you've got towers turning into monsters and shit, its prolly time to panic. Or run. Possibly both. But its not over yet. Barriers are erected everywhere, dividing the world--obviously there's more to this than that, which becomes apparent when a familiar face pops up.



For the uninitiated, this would Kurenai Wataru. Kamen Rider Kiva. If you can't follow the narrative, this is meant to be the Hero Guide to explain to both the Hero and us what the fuck is going on. Personally, I would've gone for Kazama Kenzaki, but given he's from a few years back, kids may not remember him. Plus going through his own series made Wataru less of a bitch, so fuck it. As Hero Guides go, he's not too bad. Rather than stretching this on, he only screws with the guy once, shifting him to another Earth.

And on that note, time for a short explanation to keep everything straight. We are now in the Kamen Rider Multiverse. To keep things straight, I will now be attaching a number to each Earth, in order of the Rider's appearance. So here's the chart:

Earth-1 Kamen Rider Kuuga
Earth-2 Kamen Rider Agito
Earth-3 Kamen Rider Ryuki
Earth-4 Kamen Rider 555 (Faiz)
Earth-5 Kamen Rider Blade
Earth-6 Kamen Rider Hibiki
Earth-7 Kamen Rider Kabuto
Earth-8 Kamen Rider Den-O
Earth-9 Kamen Rider Kiva
Earth-10 Kamen Rider Decade

So which Earth has our hero been switched to? Good question! But we don't quite get to find out yet, as things switch back to our heroine, Natsumi. She's been shifted to another Earth as well. Which? Well....


Judging by the ridiculously long fans being shoved into this guy's neck? I'd say Earth-9. Kiva's Earth, the one where the enemies are all vampires. (Why their fangs are all so colorful, I have no idea...)

In an amazing display of Character Aura, Natsumi manages to avoid the literal army of Fangaia that slaughters everybody else around here, and somehow shifts onto another Earth. Earth-8.




Den-O's world. Its at this point I have to pause to applaud the director of this series. Watching this, a great deal of work went into showing just how scary it can be to live in a Rider's world. You can almost feel the panic Natsumi does as she travels from world to world. Its a feeling you don't normally get, since as a rule the Hero is usually a Rider before series start (Kuuga, Agito, Blade, Kiva) or is for whatever reason unaffected even if he isn't (Kabuto, 555). Anyway, again displaying an incredible Character Aura, she manages to get away from the Imagin (the villains of this world), and crosses into another. If you can't tell, we're going backwards.


So at this point, we're on Earth-7. A personal favorite of mine. Kabuto's world. Little backstory...the enemy of Kabuto's world is called the Worm. They're a race of aliens that are able to mimic a person almost perfectly. Of course, after they do that, they usually kill you. So on that note...


...Now might be a good time to run, lady. Unfortunately, we have a problem. See, she ain't the main character. But she's now NEAR the main character. So despite the fact that she's been crossing worlds effortlessly up to this point...her Character Aura's been drained by the Main Character's presence and that's all over. However, she DID find these:



These crusty items (that, incidentally, ALSO look like like something that can be found at a homeless person's rummage sale), are--you guessed it. The main character's henshin devices! This would be great, except instead of staring at a clone, she's now staring at this thing.



Fortunately, she's got enough Character Aura left to give our boy his "buckle and cards", and enough to keep from getting killed when the Worms start to team up to get rid of her. It lasts just long enough for our Hero to go through his very first Henshin sequence. I love these things, even though they do make you wonder why enemies don't just attack while the hero is going through this. Anyway, here's our Rider, once transformed:



The suit looks a lot cooler in motion, as I'd hoped. Not that it matters. See, on Earth-7, the enemies have a special ability that allows them to move at speeds faster than the eye can see. As a result, Decade has to use his own special ability...the ability to jack powers from other Riders! And, after a brief but insanely humorous moment where he literally kicks one of the worms in the ass....



He switches into this Earth's Rider, Kabuto. Who's capable of a little skill called Clock Up, which lets him move fast enough to put the hurt on the Worms.



Ah, I DID miss this guy. And I can't wait until Tendou (the real Kabuto) pops up and smacks Decade around. If this guy's as good as I think, it should be epic. Which, it seems like it, given that ten seconds later, the Worms become this:





And, down they go. But, there's no time for rejoicing! The fight's over and now they have to find out exactly what's going on. So we're off! Where, I have no idea. (Home, the guy says.) I also have no idea where the motorcycle came from...



Hopefully, he'll use it more than Kiva, who used it once near the end of his series and it took me ten minutes to remember he actually HAD one early on. Unfortunately, before they can make it home, they Earth-shift again. It took me a while to recognize this one, as I skipped this series before it could kill me by making me suffer an absolutely toxic level of a boredom.

Its a partially destroyed Earth, but that really doesn't tell me anything, since Earth-7 is like that too. And I can't recognize Earths by monsters, since not only do they never last long enough to mean anything...its entirely possible they just made up new ones for this series. Still! I DID recgonize this fellow:


We're now on Earth-4. Faiz's Earth. And Faiz's bike can apparently transform into a robot. Damn.


I guess the guy with the Power Ranger-y robot from the beginning is from this universe. I'm not sure I approve, but damn it is useful. And, again, despite being up against multiple opponents, it only takes a few moments before they all look like this....




It was at this point I handed him his C-Level Hero Card for being a damn good fighter and adjusting to the fact that his world is being torn apart so damn well. He's forced to keep fighting, as more enemies show up, which is a problem because as he shifts into a different Rider, he uses that "card's" power up and can't transform into it again. And basically by the time our Hero guide shows up, the only power he has is his own.

Fortunately by this time they've shifted back to Earth-10, though the place is still a mess...



And getting worse. In fact, its at this point that a huge explosion occurs, which nearly covers even our Rider and his sidekick. Fortunately its at this point that time stops, and our Hero Guide pops back up. And finally, we're given an explanation. See the start of this article if you missed it, as that's pretty much it. Tsukasa is given his mission: Travel to the nine worlds and gain the powers of all nine Kamen Riders, to save all ten worlds.

But how do they GET to the different worlds. Good question right? Now if only our Rider had actually asked it. Fortunately though...


Apparently they keep alternate world murals in their photo shop. Must be helpful. Apparently, that's all that's necessary as just like that, as they exit the shop, they find themselves in a different world--Earth-1, Kuuga's world.

Still, all is not the same on this world...even for them, as Tsukasa now finds himself in a new identity.



That's right, a policeman. This makes a lot of sense, as on Kuuga's world the Rider actually worked very closely with the police, as the writer was looking to go for a more realistic world with this series.

They do an admirable job of emulating this world, considering that they had to give the whole damn thing a complete overhaul. Odagiri Joe, the actor that played Godai Yuusuke (Kamen Rider Kuuga), actually found himself disliking this role when all was said and done, so they couldn't get him back. I imagine the same thing is true for the person who plays the Inspector, who was originally a guy and has now been recast as a hot girl.


...Y'know I don't care WHO played that part before, I'd totally hit that. Anyway, as things gear up for the last few minutes, all the central characters are headed towards the Monster of the (Next) Week, Unidentified Lifeform 7. (The actual name of these things are Grongi, but they don't know that yet.) Including the Rider of Earth-1....Kuuga:





And, scene. Woo! This was long as all fuck. I can't promise the next one won't be long because I don't make promises, but I will do my best. Its also not very funny. (I am nothing if not honest with myself.) But what can I do? Not much material was given in this episode and but there was a LOT of info dump, as is expected in the first episode of any series.

The next one of these, if I can get up to doing one before Decade 2 comes out, should be about one of the aforementioned romance manga from the previous post. Anyway, I'm done for now. Ja ne!

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