Jumping in Headfirst

What Happened: This replaces Phantom Stranger. What I'd Change: Hit the ground running.  The Grifter and Voodoo comics made it fairly obvious the Daemonites were invading.   The WildC.A.T.s would be the only superhero team on Earth who knew about them, and the only ones capable of fighting them without being taken over in some way, shape or form.  Start with the full team and have them kicking ass out the gate, and doing their best not to alert Earth that MORE aliens have come to Earth. Why:  Because some characters are team characters, and Grifter and Voodoo are some of those kind of characters.  You've got Helspont fighting Superman?  Who was asking for that?   Nobody.  Stop that.  Let's get the Kherubim and half-Kherubim soldiers out there on the field, WildStorm's premiere superteam (to me at least) should have been one of the first to get a comic, not freaking Stormwatch.

What Happened: Believe it or not, DCs currently publishing 51 comics.  Here's your 52nd, even though I don't have to do it. What I'd Change: This time I'd probably start out with Jaime having to find his way back from space after the Reach is defeated in an interplanetary battle he was teleported out to, but had no part in. Why: Because Jaime usually spends his time on Earth, trying to deal with his beetle and the fact that he can't control his powers, while also living a normal life with his family and friends.  Problem is, we've been there and done that.  Jaime's only seven or eight years old as a character, and he's already on like Volume 2?  3?  And the last volume went over a lot of the same material the first one had.   Cut that out.  

What Happened: Replacing Deathstroke here. What I'd Change:There's nowhere near enough intrigue in the DC Universe.  Under my TN52C series, things have changed a bit, but there's still not enough.  What's the inter-organization politics look like when they have to deal with the D.E.O. or other organizations we don't know about?  How would they deal with N.O.W.H.E.R.E.?   These guys need to be on the board, and five years into DC's timeline makes as much sense as any other time.  Why: No, seriously, Checkmate was an absolutely BRILLIANT idea that had no business being shelved, ever.  Get Greg Rucka and Eric Trautmann back, and offer them as much freedom as they need to tell the stories they want.   Superhero spy stories was a brilliant idea and I loved reading Checkmate every month.  

What Happened: This title replaces Justice League Dark. What I'd Change: I'd be lying if I said I knew what JLD was truly about.  And that's the problem.  I don't know what's going on, and I don't much care. DC hasn't made a huge attempt to make the book matter yet.  And instead of shoving characters people barely know into a book and labeling it Justice League, I'd rather go with a more established team name for DC's magic users and use both some of the most well-known DC magic heroes like Doctor Fate, Zatanna, Phantom Stranger and Shazam, team veterans like Raggedy Man, Blue Devil, Black Alice and Enchantress, and maybe even some new characters you can build up over time.  I'd also pit them against higher-level threats, maybe even have them go after Pandora because someone noticed the universe changing. Why: Because DC is not Marvel, and the Justice League is not Avengers.  Don't just label things "Justice League" becaus...

What Happened: A lot of women (and some guys) got pissed off, Selina slept with Batman and they kept the masks on. What I'd Change: I liked Judd's idea.  I did.  Make Selina a lady addicted to bad behavior.  It's why she steals.  It's why she gets involved with an emotionally unavailable freak who's never going to love her properly.  It's how she gets into so many dangerous situations.   She loves the adrenaline rush.   ....Unfortunately, I like the idea for someone ELSE.  For Selina, it doesn't fit to me.  She can do better than that.  As for what I'd do?  Ever seen the show Hustle?  It's about a group of grifters who play long cons, involved operations that take longer than your typical, simplistic con, but results in a much bigger haul from the deal.   I like the idea of Catwoman being the leader of a grifting group, performing cons on all sorts of people in the DC Universe, using her...unique tal...

What Happened: Replacing Red Hood and the Outlaws. What I'd Change: There's no Protectors book, that I know of.  And frankly, the name is garbage so I'd probably get someone to change that.  But I think it'd be neat to have a Guardians of the Galaxy-type team in the DCU composed of some of their well-known superheroes in space (Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Starman) along with some less well-known people (Ultraa the Multi-Alien, Jemm the Son of Saturn) and maybe even an unexpected guest, newly introduced to the DC Universe (Spaaaaace Ghooooost).   They come together to battle against all the intergalactic conquerors that seem to plague the DCU. Why: Because DC has more than just superhero characters, and they should use them.  Plus Red Hood and the Outlaws was not terribly well-received anyway. 

What Happened: This is replacing Suicide Squad. What I'd Change: Let's be serious, for a second.  Secret Six sold decently and was a critical darling with an immense, hugely devoted fanbase.   I'm not one of them, but I do know you don't let go of something awesome to put out something that sells about the same but is "just another comic".   Bring Gail back, give her another artist (Nicola Scott's on Earth 2, which I like more so sorry Six fans.) and let her work her magic. Why: DC needs the goodwill, to be honest.

What Happened: The same story that Batwoman's been dealing with for like, 16 issues and counting.  She's in Gotham fighting, quite literally, monsters.   What I'd Change: I hated that Batwoman was discovered by Agent Chase of the D.E.O., as that plot point is tired and one of the things that makes superheroes unique are their secret identities.  But what's done is done.  That said?  Why on Earth is she still in Gotham?  If she's going to be a member of the D.E.O., let's get her out of Gotham (since Batman, Nightwing, the Birds, and so many other characters are there) and have her going around the world battling threats of the D.E.O.   You could even do a shadowy organization versus shadowy organization thing here, and revive H.I.V.E. and some of DC's other bad guy groups to pit her against. Why: Because 16 issues for the same arc can never be justified.  Grant Morrison's Justice League took down the antithesis of HOPE in like, fi...

What Happened:   In sharp contrast to the brilliant and well-received Action Comics story of a Superman who had weakened abilities and worked to be a champion of the people, Superman was a story about...Superman's shiny new costume.   Also there was a weird sort of semi-cuckold deal where Superman went to his no-longer-wife's apartment only to learn some new guy was banging her: Yeah, I'm gonna pretend this never happened in my personal fanboy canon.  DC can do whatever the fuck it wants. What I'd Change:   ...The idea of a New 52?   Ah, fuck it.  I'm getting tired of doing these, I guess.  Anyway, what I'd change is probably the idea of Clark being a typical reporter.   Clark's worked at the Daily Planet since 1938, and it's getting old.  Superhero comics have a habit of doing a certain something because it worked really well when it first happened, or when someone tries something new that's a hit...even if "when i...

What Happened: This replaces that new Constantine book that’s coming out. What I’d Change: Zatanna, aside from Captain Marvel and maybe Dr. Fate, is the key connecting tie between the DC’s superhero world and their mystical world.  I’d make Zatanna a book that was just as likely to see Flash and Superman show up as it would be Swamp Thing or John Constantine.  Zatanna should be a vital defender for Earth against all the nasty threats of the magical world, and occasionally helping out some superheroes against the mystic threats that are out of their element. Why: Because NO ONE CARES.  DC thinks its cute to cancel Hellblazer and do Constantine, and the excuse is that Constantine will be no less dark or more censored than Hellblazer was.  Well, first off, I highly doubt it.  And second off, it doesn’t matter.  Because nobody cares.  Very, very few people that would read Hellblazer wants to see John Constantine do anything, at all, ever with a DC su...

I'm late with this particular video so my bad on that, but that still doesn't stop this from being an amazing battle.  Pat Stay is pretty funny; his round two is worth watching at least twice, its that hilarious.  I hear he's facing Math Hoffa for King of the Dot's Blackout 3.  I won't say anything...yet, but I'm guessing that'll be...interesting.

What Happened: Replacing Red Lanterns. What I’d Change:   Back in the early 90’s a group of intergalactic policemen were introduced to the DC Universe called the Darkstars.  They were meant to replace the Green Lanterns as the peace-keeping force for the universe.  This was one of those early 90’s ideas like Supergirl being a clone created by Lex Luthor and the Teen Titans having Green Lantern on it that just gradually faded away. You might ask, why with the Green Lantern Corps back would you need these guys.  Well, to readers so long as its a good book what’s it matter?  And in universe, let’s be honest: The Green Lanterns spend so much time fighting all the other Lanterns and now even fighting their own bosses, that when was the last time they kept their own lives, never mind the peace.   Plus the GLC is answerable to a group of bosses that are basically a bunch of demigods who ignore the actual needs and desires of every other species in th...

What Happened: Some poorly received story where Nth Metal is now a symbiote and Earth-1 Hawkman is now Earth-2 Hawkman again.   It got to the point where they put Rob Liefeld on the book, which...I don’t know why DC thought they needed another go-around with the 90’s again, but it has made me very sad. What I’d Change: From what I understand, the 0 issue gets done what I think is the real necessity.  Lead off with the story of how Carter got to Earth.  It’s not like he has a history with the Justice League anymore, so screw it.  Start from Thanagar and tell us how he got to Earth.  I understand the Daemonites had something to do with screwing up Thanagar--so roll with that, but make sure to make it a main plot point and not something that’s just going to sit there brewing forever.  Also,  I heard Shayera was trying to hunt down Hawkman and I’d DEFINITELY toss that.  “Relationship reset” has been the default for these two for too long....

What Happened: This is replacing DC Universe Presents What I’d Change: Rather than have a book that focuses on lesser-known DC characters for 3-5 months, I’d just get to the point.  Remember in the 90‘s, not long after Zero Hour, DC had these Secret Files and Origins books that would come out and tell you everything about a given character?   You’d get a profile on the Hero, their rogues gallery, their supporting cast and any other heroes known for hanging out with them.  Plus you’d get a few cool little stories that would illuminate his or her origin without necessarily retelling it, AND a little timeline that would cover the then “10 year time line” of that character.  Every month you could do something like this with a different hero, alternating between well-known and not as well-known characters to keep sales up.   They could even double as launch-pads for new series, like for instance the new Vibe ongoing coming out next month. Why: Becaus...

What Happened: Red Robin haphazardly assembles a team of heroes to battle the rebooted Superboy and the forces of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. targeting teenaged superheroes. What I’d Change: Remove the haphazard part.  Instead I think it’d be a better idea to have Red Robin get ahead of the game, and assemble a team long before N.O.W.H.E.R.E. can become aware of him.  A team composed of both expected Teen Titans members and some of the Gen13 crew.  (How cool would it be, for instance, if Caitlin Fairchild had been an operative of the team and in charge of looking over the Superboy project for Robin with hopes of bringing him in if he showed potential?)   Why: Prior to Flashpoint the Teen Titans were just barely starting to get on their feet in terms of being a respectable superhero team, instead of just spare torture porn when the big events came around.  While there haven’t been any casualties since the start of the book, why make the team a bunch of rookies aga...

What Happened: Another replacement.  Batman: The Dark Knight for this. What I’d Change: Again, this is a replacement so there’s nothing to change except giving Wonder Woman another title.  The difference between this one and her normal one is this one would probably have a lot more to do with Wonder Woman’s life as a superhero rather than her time as a part of an ongoing Greek myth.  In this book she would throw down with Cheetah, Circe, and other supervillains.  I would also put in a lot of her personal life, making this more of a traditional superhero title.  Where does she live, does she have a boyfriend (I’m fully in support of Superman/Wonder Woman...at least it’s SOMETHING new), how does she adapt to “Patriarch’s World”, etc. etc. Why: They keep telling us Wonder Woman is part of DC’s Trinity, but Batman has 30 books, Superman has two, and Wonder Woman has one.  It’s illogical.  Batman: The Dark Knight has been average in terms of crit...

Kinda mad I didn't post this one last week but I found it like, a few hours after I posted the Yung Ill vs. JC battle.  Oh well, bringing the heat to you anyway. Looking forward to seeing Arcane vs Dizaster in Blackout 3.  Arcane is something sick. 

What Happened: It’s another replacement book.  This time we’re getting rid of Legion Lost.  What I’d Change: Enjoy the adventures of the Justice League of the 853rd century.  Why: Put simply?  Legion Lost didn’t have enough legs to function as an ongoing series.  A group of the Legion’s best members go to the past to combat an alien virus...and then what.  They get stuck?  Meh.  The appeal of the Legion is they’re from the future.  This could have been a great MINI-series; something with a beginning, a middle, and an end.  As an ongoing I got bored, really fast.  So instead let’s replace them with a book about the Justice League of the far future. DC's got a terrible habit of making up awesome concepts and then leaving them by the wayside, this is one of DC’s greatest and its only been revisited like, twice.  (Once by Geoff Johns with Booster Gold 1,000,000 and once with Chris Roberson with some Superman/Batman comic...

What Happened: This would be the new name for Green Lantern: New Guardians.  Initially, it was about DC deciding they needed someone to collect the rings like they were Pokemon, and they chose Kyle Rayner since he wasn't doing anything. What I'd Change: We know that Hal Jordan is DC's main Green Lantern, and that's cool.  But here's the thing: The guy pretty much exists in space.  Same with Guy Gardner and John Stewart.  Sure, Hal hangs out with the JLA from time to time, but that's about it.   Earth needs a Green Lantern, and I think Kyle could be it.   I'd try to make this a pretty traditional, old-school kind of superhero comic in that Kyle would be one of the few superheroes with an actual secret identity, and a cast of people who WEREN'T involved in his superhero life at all.  There was a time when both DC and Marvel were filled with these, and now its pretty much just Spider-Man.  At this point a superhero with a dual life w...

What Happened: Superboy is now the creation of Project N.O.W.H.E.R.E., an organization which inexplicably has a number of teen superheroes and Wildstorm characters working for it.  After he escapes he spends his time trying to find out his purpose in life. What I’d Change: I’d probably borderline copy the original way he was introduced--just have Project Cadmus introduce him to the world and see how he makes his way around this new DCU as the world’s first teenage hero.  (Robin notwithstanding because the world at large isn’t supposed to know about him.)  The 90‘s haircut might be a bit much, but at the least he could have the cool jacket and sunglasses back.  No high school drama, no existential crises--just pure fun, maybe this time set in LA as opposed to Hawaii. Why:   Nostalgia is totally influencing me here, but I don’t care.  Remember when Superboy had a sense of humor?   At a time where comics about brightly-garbed nice people be...

What Happened: Diana has been helping the latest of Zeus’ baby mamas, a woman named Zola, dodge all sorts of insanity coming from the rest of the Mount Olympus family now that Zeus has gone missing. What I’d Change: Lots.  For one, I’d probably toss the idea that Amazons aren’t immortal.  I would also most likely have a story that involved Diana’s relationship with all of the gods, perhaps through a story that involved the Greek gods suddenly taking a more active role in the lives of humanity and Diana putting a stop to it all.  Something with a lot of action and shit blowing up, but the potential for decent characterization throughout.  You know, the basis of most exceptional superhero books.  (And mediocre ones too, but you can’t create awesome-ness without seeing a failure or three.)  Oh, and I’d also put her back in a pair of pants.  Why: Because I tried reading Azzarello’s Wonder Woman and it didn’t click with me.  Critically its a fine b...

What Happened: Nothing.  Replacing The Fury of Firestorm, the Nuclear Man with this. What I’d Change: This is the second book that got lost in the Flashpoint truffle-shuffle that happened in September 2011.  And like Red Robin, we should have kept it.  Firestorm started out a mess from day one, but you know DC, they can’t ever be wrong so they just kept it around. I’d much prefer Booster Gold’s comic to be around and have him exploring the post-Flashpoint landscape.  You could have even made it the place to be if you wanted to know what changed after Flashpoint.   That would have instantly made EVERYONE interested.  A good hook can make or break a story, and while I’m no Alan Moore, I know that’s a *great* hook. Why: Because nobody knows what’s what with Flashpoint over.  Sometimes it seems like even DC doesn’t know, and its embarrassing.  At least this way we could get some idea of their thought processes and learn to what extent thi...

Had to take a break with this for a bit, but we're back with a brand-new (and I mean brand-new) battle.  Check it.

Trying out something new.  Unfortunate Choice is a new column dedicated to comics that have unintentionally made a serious situation silly, or a comedic reference that sounds sexual in nature, or just in general a different meaning came through than what was intended.  For the first one, a very recent Aquaman splash page. Its supposed to be a super dramatic ending to the second part of Throne of Atlantis, somewhat of a cliffhanger to keep us excited until the next two issues come out at the end of January.  ...But I just keep snickering at how on the nose it is.  "You've FORCED MY HAND" and suddenly he's got Aqua-Tourette's and can't keep himself from strangling Bruce.  

Red Robin What Happened: Nothing.  This title is replacing the Batman line’s Batman and Robin title. What I’d Change: If I truly had my way, then this book would be called Robin and be about Dick Grayson because all the other Robins hadn't been brought in and this was just Bruce's second year on the job.  (That, or I'd find a way to work it so that Bruce had an army of Robins.) But, I'm working with the concept they gave us, so in this case, there’s nothing TO change.  It just comes down to this: before Flashpoint, Tim Drake had his own comic book and was a prominent member of the Teen Titans. (If not the leader, then at least a veteran member of the team.)  He was also a member of the Bat-family that spent a lot of time in Gotham.  Post-Flashpoint, he’s got no comic book, has just formed the Teen Titans but its a crashing failure so far (fifteen issues in and they STILL aren’t a team yet!), and they didn’t bother to make him apart of the Bat-Family until...

What Happened : With Justice League: Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and...Cyborg (apparently) team up to stop Darkseid from invading and taking over the planet. With Stormwatch: Some shit.  I read the first issue, wasn’t especially impressed as it appeared to be some "early days" type deal.  The reviews haven’t been too hot from fans OR comic news sites either.  Nothing against Paul Cornell, who is a talented writer, he just didn’t hit a home run this time.  What I’d Change: Completely different arc.  I’d skip what formed the Justice League and jump right into things with a battle between the newly formed, first public superhero team the Justice League, and the secretive, almost shadow-ops Stormwatch.  Stormwatch is irritated at the unwelcome attention these arrogant new showboaters have brought to super-powered people, and are taking them down before their unnecessary antics bring attention to their team.  Why...

Woo!  New year, new anime season.  Unfortunately, its not as ridiculously awesome as Fall’s, but I’ve still managed to find a few decent ones amongst the pile.  So, without further ado, here’s your chart: And, here are the picks: AKB0048 Next Stage What It’s About: In the beginning of the 21st century, a world war breaks out over interplanetary travel tech. The environment is pretty much destroyed so mankind leaves Earth, settling on other planets, and starts Star Calendar 00. Entertainment and songs become heavily regulated and eventually banned on several planets due to their power to move people, but a brave idol group puts on guerrilla performances in these systems in the name of a famous act from earlier times that sang to Earth's bitter end, AKB48. Famous throughout the galaxy, the group's name is AKB0048. This story centers around a group of girls from various planets, some where entertainment is banned and some, where it is not, striving to bec...

So, it's 2013.  We're still here, I hope.  I'm writing this as a sort of time capsule thing so forgive me if this is inaccurate.  Don't troll me on this God. Anyway, it's a New Year.  And with a new year, there has to come new things.  I'm not entirely sure what I want those new things to be yet, but I'll be figuring them out as the new year draws near.  Who knows, by the time this posts I'll have an answer.  ^^ But I do know this: every week I talk to friends that I don't necessarily see as often as I do my fellow college-going pals, and every week I ask them the same question: "What's new?"   And I get the same answer: "Nothing."   That in itself is bad enough, but what's worse is that when they say that, I give this answer: "Same here." And I'm tired of that.  I realize this small town isn't the best place on Earth, and certainly not the most interesting.  But I'm going to make my own life be...